Welcome back! Last week, the epic collaboration that is Blogovision finally culminated in the greatest Eurovision-themed games-blogger collaboration of all time (I like to think): if you haven’t seen it, check out my version of the show here, and my brilliant partner-in-crime Pix’s show right here.
We had five fantastic performances, and You the Audience have made your voices known by voting for your winner. So let’s flip back to the studio for the results, shall we..?
(oh, but before we do, HEY! LISTEN! – you can and totally should get these results not only from right here but also from Pix’s own results show, which can be found at this ‘ere link.)
GLaDOS: Oh. Hello. You’re still here, then.
Oh, that’s right. I’m broadcasting this directly into your brains in an entirely mandatory and inescapable way. I care about your entertainment.
Anyway, I hear we’re about to find out who’s won this shenanigan. Personally, I think the real winner was the cake I made along the way.
Dante and Link take to the stage again; the five acts are lined up behind, looking various degrees of nervous (Junpei and the 999 crew), excited (Guybrush and co.), or simply slouching and occasionally making thinly-veiled gestures towards the pistol sticking out of their pants (OG Loc).
‘Well,’ says Dante, ‘we’ve seen all our acts, and other game worlds from around the many universes have sent in their votes!’
Link jumps up and down a couple of times.
‘Admittedly,’ Dante continues, as if prompted by his bouncing companion, ‘most of them misunderstood and gave nul points to everyone or attempted to murder one or more people. But still! We have a winner!’
Link starts a drumroll on his thighs.
GLaDOS: Hey, do you guys remember when I repainted the whole facility a slightly different shade of grey? This is even more riveting than that.
‘Our winner,’ says Dante…
… the crowd holds its collective breath…
… Link’s cheeks are puffed out and his face is going purple with excitement and anticipation…
GLaDOS: I’m not enjoying this.
‘… with an astonishing forty-three percent of all the votes recorded,’ Dante continues, ‘taking the world by storm, it’s -‘
Link does a couple of backflips and throws a chicken at Majima.
‘Goro Majimaaaaaaa!’ yells Dante.
The crew from Monkey Island and Nathanos are all applauding, looking at least respectful and gracious if not wholesomely, wholeheartedly happy for the victor. The 999 representatives seem to have disappeared off into some sort of deadly game who-knows-where; OG Loc has scoffed at the result and wandered offstage making various gestures with his fingers.
Majima accepts his victory with characteristic enthusiasm, happily waving at the crowd and occasionally doing funky dance moves for no apparent reason. Link and Dante raise his hands, and all three take a bow.
‘Well,’ says Dante, as the cheering dies down, ‘I think it’s traditional for the winner to play us out with one more performance. Would you do the honours?’
GLaDOS: Well, that was thoroughly entertaining. I do mean entertaining, don’t I? Let me look in the dictionary… oh, no, that’s not what I thought that meant. Whoopsie.
Well, I like to think we’ve all learned something today, if only that musical performances should be left to professionals like myself.
Er… what are you doing in my booth?
(OG Loc can be heard threatening GLaDOS with a pistol, demanding that she reverse the decision and declare him the winner.)
GLaDOS: Oh, you’re a silly bean. I can’t be killed with bullets. I can kill other people with bullets, though.
(A noise: somehow unmistakably the noise of a little egg-shaped turret thing dropping from the ceiling and pointing its deadly spout at OG Loc.)
GLaDOS: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Come back when you wanna get some, playa. I’m the real OG: I’m Omnipotent GLaDOS, bee-yotch.
Apologies for those technical difficulties. I hope you enjoyed the show, and that you continue to be both happy and dead.
And there you have it: that was Blogovision!
One more enormous thank you to each and every person who made this possible: that includes everyone who read either show, voted, liked Tweets about it, whatever, but most especially thank you again to Brandon, Kim, Ian, Alex, and Heather, and of course Pix – and don’t forget that you can also read Pix’s own take on this results show right here.
Thank you all again, and I hope to see you all again before too long..!