It’s the fifth in a series of twelve questions courtesy of Kim over at Later Levels, and it’s… a cheeky one! All the details of this Christmassy Q&A are here, so why not get involved?

Today’s question is:

‘The party is still going strong and you find yourself conveniently positioned under the mistletoe. Which video game character would you call over for a cheeky kiss?’

Well, I am a happily taken man, so the only person I’d want a cheeky kiss from would be my other half, Hannah.

But, in the spirit of Christmas, let’s break down the candidates anyway. See, my favourite series of all time has to be Kingdom Hearts (no surprises there, I mention it in practically every post), and there are quite a few characters in the franchise who are enormous waifu material, if you believe what people online have to say about them. I’m reasonably sure, however, that a few of them are underage, so that feels weird. What I can do, though, is go through a quick top ten of KH characters who I definitely don’t want to find waiting for me! (Spoilers, by the way.)

LARXENE

We don’t get to know this thunder-ninja as well as I’d have liked, since she gets taken out pretty soon after her introduction in Chain of Memories, but we do know that she’s sadistic and just generally pretty scary. No thanks!

 

 

URSULA

She’s a giant purple octopus woman who also happens to be really… just kind of a horrible person. Nothing but downside to this one.

 

SAIX

Possibly the one member of the KH repertoire of villains who’s more unhinged than his colleague Larxene. Sure, there are more megalomaniacal baddies on the roster, but Saix possesses a berserker ability that allows him to just snap and turn into a crazed killing machine. And possibly werewolf. Also, he used to be mates with Axel, who’s a pretty decent guy (some of the time) but they fell out in a pretty epic way, so you know Saix isn’t a friendly feller. Don’t get on his bad side!

KING MICKEY

He’s an anthropomorphic mouse, which doesn’t really say ‘kissable material’ to me. He’s also royalty, so can you imagine the scandal if Minnie found out?!

 

MALEFICENT

Her face is so sharp I think I’d get decapitated just trying to get a smooch.

 

 

VENTUS

Cool guy, but currently in a coma. No kissing without consent, kids!

 

 

SEPHIROTH

I mean, he’s not the most unattractive feller, but I’ve got this image of turning around to find myself nose-to-nose with him and suddenly One-Winged Angel starts blaring and the whole thing sounds terrifying and embarrassing.

XION

One of my favourite characters, actually (despite mixed reception in the fandom). Her story’s very sad, though, and she ends up disappearing not only from reality, but from everyone’s memories, too. I think I’d just end up crying, and nobody likes a sloppy cry-snog.

 

 

VANITAS

As a kind of personification of the pure darkness in Ventus’ heart, forcibly removed, Vanitas also happens to possess the ability to spawn little mook creatures from his raging emotions. Typical teenage angst. Not my type.

 

 

 

MASTER XEHANORT

Look at him. Just look at that obviously evil face. Nothing about this man is kissable. No ta.